everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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