So drunk its hurt
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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