foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
