the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
