my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
