I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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