and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have already put on my inside pants.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
