I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize