ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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