chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
