Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
