Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
