Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
