Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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