Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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