I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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