I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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