cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
