its not stalking. its research.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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