i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
