he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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