That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
