Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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