I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
