I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
