He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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