I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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