don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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