So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
