I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
