if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
