the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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