Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
