don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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