Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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