if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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