I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
