Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
