Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
