we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
