We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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