Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
