he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She even gives head with a lisp.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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