A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
