Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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