So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
