He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
