Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
