Will you blow on my dice?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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