You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
