you would pick up someone in the library
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
