I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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