I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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