Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
