Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
