I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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