I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's shark week go big or go home
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize