I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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