Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
