Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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