well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
