I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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