I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
