I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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