my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dear god my vagina.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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