I smell stomach acid.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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