Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
