so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
